THE
MAGIC OF POSITIVE
THINKING
Most of today’s courses of positive thinking originate in America.
Many start by advising you to try «positive affirmations* such as this one from
Success Magazine. «Look in the mirror every morning and say to yourself «You
are rare, unique and different. You were designed and engineered for success».
Sounds embarrassing? Don’t forget that self-belief is crucial for success.
A
pleasant smile is a strong indication of a friendly and open attitude and
willingness to communicate. It’s a positive, nonverbal signal sent with the
hope that the other person will smile back. When you smile, you demonstrate
that you have noticed the person in a positive manner. The other person
considers it a compliment and will usually feel good. The result? The other
person will usually smile back. Smiling does not mean that you have to put on a
phony* face or pretend that you are happy all the time. But when you see
someone you know, you are demonstrating an open attitude to conversation.
You might not realize that closed posture* is the
cause of many conversational problems. Typical closed posture is sitting with
your legs crossed and your hand covering your mouth or chin. This is often
called the «thinking pose», but just ask yourself this question: Are you going
to interrupt someone who appears to be deep in thought? Without these receptive
signals, another person will most likely avoid you and look for someone who
appears to be more available for contact. To overcome this habitual way of standing
or sitting start by keeping your hands away from your mouth, and keep your arms
uncrossed. Crossed arms tend to indicate a defensive frame of mind*, and thus
one not particularly favorable to outside contact. They can also indicate
impatience, displeasure, or judgment* – any of which would discourage people
from opening up. Open posture is most effective when you place yourself within
communicating distance of the other person – that is, within about five feet.
Take care, however, not to violate someone’s «personal space» by getting too
close, too soon.
Leaning* forward slightly while a person is talking to
you indicates interest on your part and shows you are listening to what the
person is saying. This is usually taken as a compliment by the other person,
and will encourage him to continue talking.
Often
people will lean back with their hands behind their head in the «thinking»
pose. This posture gives off signals of judgment, skepticis; and
boredom from the listener. Since most people do not feel comfortable when they
think they are being judged*, this leaning – back posture tends to inhibit* the
speaker from continuing. It’s far better to lean forward slightly in a casual
and natural way. By doing this, you are saying: «I hear what you’re saying, and
I’m interested – keep talking!». This usually lets the other person feel that
what he is saying is interesting, and encourages him to continue speaking.
positive affirmations
– позитивные утверждения (установки)
phony
– неискренний, фальшивый
closed posture
– закрытая поза
to lean
– наклоняться, сгибаться
frame of mind
– расположение духа, настроение
judgment
– (зд) критика
to judge
– судить, осуждать
to
inhibit – препятствовать,
сдерживать
FOREIGN
BODIES
Understanding the body language of different nationalities
– the way they use gestures, eye-contact, and touching to communicate without
words – is an important part of communicating across cultures. In his book Foreign Bodies,
Oxford University research psychologist, Dr Peter Collett, examines some
of the differences among Europeans.
Gesture
Dr Collett suggests that if we compare the way different
European nations use gestures, they fall into three groups. In the first group
are the Nordic nations – the Swedes, Finns, Norwegians, and Danes – who use
gestures very little. The second group includes nations such as the British,
Germans, Dutch, Belgians, and Russians. They use some gestures, for example,
when they are excited, or want to communicate over long distances, or to insult
each other. The third group includes the Italians, Greeks, French, Spanish, and
Portuguese. They use gestures a lot, to emphasize what they are saying, and to
hold the other person’s attention. ‘Even when they are silent,’ says Dr
Collett, ‘their hands are often busy sending messages through the medium of
manual semaphore.’
Personal space
People’s sense of ‘personal space’ –
the distance that separates them from another person – also varies between
people of different nationalities. What feels right for one nationality may
feel uncomfortable for another. British zoologist, Desmond Morris, has
identified three ‘personal space’ zones in Europe. In countries such as Spain,
France, Italy, and Greece, people stand close enough to touch each other
easily.
Morris calls this the ‘elbow zone’. In East European countries such
as Poland, Hungary, and Romania, people stand a little more distant. Morris
calls this the ‘wrist zone’ because they are close enough to touch wrists. In
Britain, Holland, Belgium, Germany, and the Scandinavian countries, people
prefer to stand further away from each other, and they do not generallyb touch.
This he calls the ‘fingertips zone’.
Eye-contact
Another cultural difference between nationalities is the amount of
eye-contact between people. In countries where people stand close to each
other, in Morris’s elbow zone, eye-contact is more frequent and lasts longer.
Mediterranean countries, says Dr Collett, are ‘high-look’ cultures whereas
north European countries are ‘high-look’ cultures. Children who grow up in a
low-look culture learn that it is rude to look too long at another person. In a
high-look culture, eye-contact, like physical contact and gestures, is a
natural way of expressing your feelings and relating to other people. This
explains why, for example, north Europeans visiting south European countries
may feel uncomfortable at the way people look at them.
NON-VERBAL
COMMUNICATION
(Japanese
culture)
Silence or what is not said can be just as important as what is said. If one point is said, the listener is expected to understand the others points that are not said. You must read in between the lines or pick up on what has been implied*. Often the subject of a sentence is not stated in so many words; it is just understood «who» or «what» is being referred to.
THE UNCOMMITTED FACE *
of the Japanese is very common. It is considered rude to overtly*
express your emotions in public. The «Poker Face»* is used to cover up negative
emotions as well as used as a shield to protect your privacy.
THE SMILE can often be an
expression that conceals embarrassment, pain, or anguish. In an uncomfortable
situation it is not uncommon for the Japanese to give a nervous laugh or
awkward smile to conceal the true emotion.
EYE CONTACT is often a Western signal for confidence or
sincerity. In many cases, the Japanese consider direct and constant eye contact
a rude gesture that means defiance* or challenge. The Japanese may shift their
eyes or look down to show respect to another.
In the beginning, it is best to refrain* from forms of physical
contact such as a pat on the back or a hug. The Japanese do not show signs of
affection or emotion in public. Young couples may be seen holding hands, but it
is embarrassing to see spouses kiss in public.
Material objects or items from someone are shown just as much
respect as the person might be. Business cards are not folded, written on, or
fiddled* with. A guest’s coat is not thrown over a chair but instead hung up
carefully, sometimes taking care to brush away imaginary lint*. The wrapping
paper on a gift that has been graciously presented is not crumpled up
insignificantly, rather it is gently folded and the ribbon often retied around
the paper or placed carefully on top of the wrapping paper. At a traditional
Japanese restaurant or home, the guest’s shoes are placed together and turned
around so that the guest can easily put his or her shoes back on when leaving.
Furniture is used properly; you do not lean on a desk or sit on a table.
designated moment – определяющий
(важный) момент
to imply – подразумевать
uncommitted face – безучастное
выражение лица
overtly – открыто,
публично
«Poker face» – бесстрастное, ничего не выражающее лицо
defience – пренебрежение
to refrain from – воздержаться
to fiddle – (зд) вертеть в
руках
lint – (зд) ворсинка, пылинка
GOOD
MANNERS
(Japanese
culture)
At all times, it is best to be humble*, respectful, and modest
whether you are the host or guest. It is the host’s duty to make sure the
guests are well-taken care of, sometimes to the point of smothering*. Guests
should be conservative and reserved. Rarely does the Western idea of «help
yourself» apply.
Guests are welcomed in a very particular manner, most times by the
host and by other staff, family, or personnel. Guests are often received by
someone from the host’s side, right from the guest’s bus or car door (as if the
host has been waiting and expecting the guest). Guests are usually received in
a specific room such as a conference room as opposed to your office.
Guests should be welcomed with polite and general statements. This
is the time to thank each other for taking the time to visit or for a previous
meeting. This is also the time for general apologies. The host will often offer
several apologies for everything from the weather to the time of day. And the
guest might apologize for the result of a previous meeting or situation. It is
all said rather lightly, but it is also all a part of the greeting etiquette.
The host(s) should be quite perceptive* and anticipate a guest’s
need. It is embarrassing for the guest to have to ask for something. Guests
should generally not ask for anything as it is considered rude to directly
state your wishes. For example, if a guest is holding something heavy, it is
better to insist that you carry it than to ask: «Would you like me to carry
it?» It is better to say, «I will call a taxi for you» than «Would you like me
to call a taxi for you?»
Some kind of refreshment is usually served. The guest does not ask
for an alternative. It would be better to take a polite sip or bite and
politely decline an offer of something else if the host asks. The host has made
a decision on what to serve and the guest kindly accepts the offering.
The host also invites the guest to actually drink or eat, even
though something may have been already served. The guest is careful not to
drink or eat until the host has said «Please» or Dozo. The Japanese host must
offer their guests cream and sugar if coffee is being served and guests should
not reach across the table for it (it would be better to drink the coffee
black). The host(s) waits until the guests have begun before they eat or drink.
On both sides, subordinates* begin only after their superiors do. If you do not
want any more, simply leave your cup full.
When the guests leave, the host sees them off; often literally
standing out on the street until the guests are out of sight. Just before
disappearing from view, the guest turns to give one last wave or bow and it is
important for the host to acknowledge this last gesture.
humble – скромный
to smother – оказывать
чрезмерное внимание
perceptible – восприимчивый, предусмотрительный
subordinate – подчиненный
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